I am having a serious dilema with Avery right now. I do not believe in letting babies cry it out. I want Avery to know that when she cries, I will be there for her. I don't want her to think that I am ignoring her, or that there are things more important than her. I worry that letting babies cry teaches them the wrong message- I will only come to you if it is convenient for me. We did however, let Bailey cry it out when she was old enough to talk and understand what we were doing. She didn't cry for very long, luckily.
Here comes the problem.
Up until recently, we didn't have any problems getting Avery to go to sleep. I usually nursed her on my bed until she was asleep and the left her there. Then for some reason, that stopped working. So, I nursed her swaddled (or even double swaddled because she really is too big for that) and put her in her bed. Things went downhill from there. My nights were turning into holding Avery festivals until she was in deep deep sleep. I was holding her for hours! Literally. I simply couldn't do that any more.
So. I've read lots and lots of books about sleep. One recommended picking her up when she cries, comforting her, and then laying her back down. You do this every time she cries. I tried it. The problem is, she starts crying just as soon as she starts moving towards the bed. Another suggested comforting her as she cries in her bed by patting her, singing etc. I did that, and it seemed to be working well until a few nights ago. Then I was up with her for three hours in the middle of the night. She was not crying, just playing. But as soon as I left, she would wail.
It was not an isolated incident. She took no naps the next day. At bedtime she refused to sleep. If I was in there, she was playing. If I left, she would cry, but would resume playing as soon as I returned.
I was desperate. She was a zombie. We let her cry it out. It only took thirty agonizing minutes.
And then 2:15 am happended. I was up with her for an hour, feeding her, trying to get to sleep. Once again, she just wanted to play. At 3:15, I let her cry again. This time she screamed for an hour. I went in there every 15 min. to give her a kiss and her pacifier. It was horrible. She felt awful, I felt awful, Mike was awake and feeling awful too.
I still don't know if I did the right thing. I didn't know what else to do. Tell me your sleeping stories! Did you let your kids cry it out? How old were they? Did you feel okay doing it? How did you get your kids to sleep if they didn't cry it out? If you don't have kids, how do you feel about it?
I really thought that by now, at seven and a half months, we would all be sleeping better. Here's hoping for a better night tonight!
Megan's Deliveries
2 days ago
7 comments:
Like I have any advice - this is coming from a no kid household ;). But oh what a bummer, I'd be stressed/frustrated/sleep-deprived.
I totally see both sides, the cry it out theory and the not wanting them to cry it out theory. But I think we're going to be "cry it out" people...that's the plan anyways as long as the needs are met: diapers, feedings, a good song/kiss or rocking to bed and their not sick or have that hurt cry kindof thing. I'm hoping I can distinguish that ;) I think kids are alot smarter than I think they are, even at a younger age (obviously not too young).
My sister lets her kids cry it out, after their needs are met, and while it's hard for me to listen to when I'm in town visiting(I teared up last time I was visiting & I'm not even the mom), everytime she finally gives in and lets me go re-rock him or check on him, it makes it worse when I try to leave again, and that much harder the next nap because he's smart and thinks if he cries long enough, he'll be rescued or it will be play time. And now it's to the point my nephew goes down usually without a fight/cry just b/c he knows it's nap time and is on that schedule.
But who knows....I'm obviously no expert, I'm still absorbing different theories for the soon future ;)
Tricky, tricky, tricky. Oh what we have to look forward to. It always sounds easier and perfect when we're planning the parents we're going to be, so when I come running to you in 6 months, let me know what you've learned ;)
Hi Kari....oh how we struggled with Corinne for the same thing. I couldn't listen to her cry it out...I could only do it when I had Kordel's help to calm me and hold my hand as I cried too. SOOOO, Corinne got good at nap time and at going to bed, but in the middle of the night when it was just me, she got spoiled. Suddenly when she turned about 13 months old, she no longer seemed to need that 4:30/5:00AM feeding and she slept through the night and basically has ever since. Shane is another story. I've ALWAYS tried to put him to bed awake since he was born. I only would nurse him to sleep if he fell asleep and he was far enough along on his last feeding of the night and I would just carry him and lay him in bed. Thus far, he's good about going to sleep, still wakes up most nights at least once, but usually goes right back to sleep. If he cries when I lay him down, I just continue to go in and comfort him, then leave again. I don't know if I've been any help, I just wanted you to know that you're NOT ALONE!!! Babies are all different, you'll figure it out for Avery eventually. MUCH LOVE!!!
man that stinks! I think I have told you before how I feel about that. I let my kids cry themself to sleep. and i found if I would go in to comfort them it made the process longer and way worse! I think as long as she has something to soother herself with then she will be fine. You need sleep! She needs sleep! everyone will do so much better with sleep :) I know it is SO hard to listen to your kid cry!!! I have found if I try to not hear it for the first 10-15 min then go listen to see how hard they are crying helps. If they are not settling down then maybe they aren't ready for sleep.
Man I really hate sleep training. It is hard to do. Good luck!
yeah, I don't have any personal experience either, but my sisters are going through this same problem right now. they say 4 months is the earliest you can really sleep train (babies don't understand otherwise), so you can expect that Avery will figure out what's going on and hopefully figure out what is in her best interest! Also, maybe you could try a white noise machine or putting her to sleep in a swing - those techniques have worked for my sisters on various occasions.
Kari, LISTEN TO ME! I can't beleive you are going through this and I am so sorry! I've only been a mom for 13 days and my baby sleeps for 10 hours a night! I can help you! I had to teach her that. I read several books and there are ways to do this. You have to call me. I will make your life so much better!
Crying it out is the key...and it doesn't take long to train them. Jada learned her first night home from the hospital...the secret is to not listen to them! We sleep with 2 fans on normally, and can't hear her from our room. I turn the monitor off for 10 minutes and then check it. She is always asleep when I do. If it's more than 10, I will go burp her, and usually that's what it is...a bubble. Then back down she goes. Babies are smart and she is learning already. She gets really worked up and it's a terrible cry, but only lasts a few minutes. Then she zonks out of thin air. So fast. and sleeps for so long! it's wonderful. I need to talk to you. Call me today. I'll email Mike my number, or get Jason's from him and call that. I don't want to leave my number on here, but I don't think I have your email...just Mike's. Anyway, get a hold of me...or maybe we'll try to call Mike's phone tonight. This is so important for your happiness and Avery's. I feel so bad that you had some bad nights. Talk to you soon! Bergen
we do the cry it out thing . . . it's hard to hear them crying to much so I hop in the shower for 10 minutes so I can't hear it and then jump out listen and get back in the shower again if needed. The shower helps me relax and covers all the noise. Putting a white noise machine or waves sounds in her room might help her stay asleep longer too.
It's such a hard thing to work through . . . good luck!
Kari, Tate had the same problem at the same age. He would cry for hours if I tried to let him cry it out. I read the same things you read and they didn't help either. In desperation I followed the advice of a family friend who said it was the crib. So, at 8 mos. old we totally baby proofed the bedroom and put him in the trundle bed. It worked like a charm from the first night on! I know it's weird, but that is the only thing that helped us- good luck!
Emily
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