So, I'm feeling just a tiny bit calmer today. Well, I should say, just right now. I'm still really mad at some of the residents for dumping their night of call on Mike's year, while taking the better night. Even though they had the better night last year and are taking it again... Yeah. I'm still mad. And wondering why they think that is okay. Anyway, on to a related subject.
My friend pointed me to this blog about doctor wives, but nobody is really posting on it anymore. She had a link to an interesting article: http://www.humanehealthcare.com/Article.asp?art_id=138
It's all about the struggle for intimacy is doctor's marriages. As it turns out, they have a higher rate of divorce than average, and have all sorts of issues.
I'm not surprised.
This last month Mike was home a lot more than he was during the months of July and August. I am sorry to admit, that when he was home during those months, I was really mad at him. I picked fights and was basically just miserable. And it was totally subconscious. I didn't even realize I was doing it. Then, I was thinking about September compared to July and August, and realized how happy I was. This last month has been wonderful. I'm happy, he's happy, we're not fighting and it's just been a pretty great month.
October-December is not looking so great. So how do you stay happy when he's gone all the time? Any ideas?
Megan's Deliveries
10 hours ago
4 comments:
I must say that Cole was never gone nearly as much as Mike is, I'd at least see him for about 30 mins or so each day and Sundays he was home unless he had church mtgs. Here are a few ideas- maybe they'll help, maybe they won't :)
1: Remind yourself daily that this craziness will end. Hard in the moment, but graduation day will come - it will! Somehow, someway our 9 years in school just ended. Hard to believe it, but the day finally came!!
2: Date nights- we traded babysitting with other resident friends since paying someone was out of the question. As much as I'm sure Mike wants to play with the girls you've got to put the two of you first. Ask a friend to watch the girls and meet him at the hospital for lunch or dinner if needed - just the 2 of you - even if it for only 20+ mins or so!
3: Pick a tv series to watch together (we are doing Monk on netflix). This works especially well once the kids are in bed, your're cuddled up together and you have a yummy treat. It takes no effort, brain-power or energy (we all know residents are TIRED). It's just something to look forward to each day (or as often as possible) and you can just be together.
4: Get out of the house. I know you run . . . are you a member at a gym? I loved going to the YMCA each day. The kids had fun in the kid care and I got an hour to exercise in peace while watching tv or reading! An hour to myself each day was heavenly! Always ask gyms about scholarships if money is a issue.
5: Go to any and all social gatherings at church, in your community, at the library. I found that if my days were busy enough they would fly by and that would help me get through.
6: Holidays . . . not sure if Mike has any time off for the holidays or if you have plans to travel home to see your families, but I recommend that you make sure some of the days off that Mike does have are just the 4 of you together alone with no extended family. We loved the moments and made the best memories when we took some time out for just our little family even though we knew visiting family would be awesome too.
Good luck getting through - I know you guys can do it! Praying for you!
Ha! didn't realize that would take up so much room!
Oh Kari! It gets so tricky when life is so crazy like it's for you guys. My obvious advice would be to not have chosen med school. Haha. Ok, just kidding.
I don't know how to help. I've gone through a few phases recently where I'd get really upset with Henry the moment he stepped inside, and I realized I had a lot of bottled up frustrations that I simply hadn't addressed. Also, my own life simply wasn't balanced at all.
So, with Bailey being gone more now, and Avery being in pre-school, I'd seriously take advantage of finding something to do that is 100 percent about you!!! Something you want to do that makes you feel happy, fulfilled, relaxed and ready to take on the world - because it sounds like 90 percent of the time you're doing everything except being in residency.
Maybe you can sit down with Mike and figure out what you both need to not go crazy and hate life and each other, and then see what you both can do to make it more of a reality given your limited circumstances. At least that's what I did with Henry and it has helped a little...just a little. :)
I think the biggest thing for me though has been to establish my own boundaries, doing things that fulfill me so I don't build up so much resentment over all the things I have to do all day every day by myself without anyone helping.
Most importantly - call me regularly. :) That may not help you, but I'll enjoy it. Haha.
I can't think of any other suggestions except to put your names on the temple prayer roll every two weeks. I know it has helped my family when we have been struggling with things out of our control.
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