I don't know what to do with my three year old.
I really am at the end of my rope with her. She's miserable, and so am I.
Bailey is going through an extremely negative phase right now. Take this morning for example. We sit down to do crafts, which used to be one of her favorite things. I thought we could practice cutting with scissors. After about one minute she is crying and telling me to do it. I show her how to hold the scissors and tell her to just do her best. She throws another fit, and I put the scissors away.
Next, I pull out stamps. She stamps happily for about a minute, and then gets mad because there is ink on her hands. I tell her to go and wash them, but she wants to use a wipe instead. I tell her no, you can use the water in the bathroom. She throws a huge screaming fit, and I don't give in. (Should I just have let her use a wipe? I don't know...) She eventually washes her hands in the bathroom.
Then, she tells me she wants to color with crayons instead. I tell her to go and get her crayons out of her room, and that I would get her more paper. She demands that I get the box of crayons out of the living room closet. I explain that they are not crayons, but coloring pencils. She angrily demands to color with those. I explain they are not sharpened, and she should go get her crayons. Another screaming fit ensues. (Once again, should I have gotten the coloring pencils out? I hate them. They don't sharpen well, we only have a hand sharpener which breaks the points instead of actually sharpening them. Only a few colors end of sharp, none of which are the ones she wants to color with. It drive me crazy.)
After several minutes of screaming, she returns with a book. At this point, I am too frustrated to look at her, let alone entertain her with a book.
What am I supposed to do? Do whatever she wants me to? All the time??
This lasts all day long. With everything. She tells me she's hungry. I offer her a selection of snacks, none of which is acceptable. I tell her it's time to go, she doesn't want to.
I'm going crazy. Really I am. I feel like I can't continue to be calm when all she does is fight. I try to stay happy and positive, but I feel myself getting angrier and angrier with each passing fit.
Any suggestions? Any at all? I don't like feeling upset with her all the time...
11 comments:
the first thing that comes to mind is HUG her. This sounds a lot like Alyisa, and I think I could've handled situations with her better. YOU are the mom, and sometimes that isn't fun, but there are sun shiny moments of time. Be firm with her, she needs to know when you say something you mean it. Believe me, you are NOT alone! Chin up! Have you tried to sing primary songs? Not necessarily to her but the spirit comes when you sing them and it might help with your tension and hers. These are just some thoughts of mine, I hope something I said helps.
Aunt Diana
I have no advice. Given my temper I would probably resort to obscenities and violence but it's when I hear things like this that I'm glad we've had all boys.
Troy
Man I totally feel your pain. This is why I hate the three-eary-old phase. Lynette and I struggled for a couple months with really similar stuff- at this age it is all about control. Some days I did okay with it, but many of them I felt like a failure. The good news is- like all phases, this too shall pass but there are things you can do to help it go a bit smoother. You are the mom and are in charge and she needs to understand that, but to help her feel her own autonomy and self esteem give her choices whenever you can. When she throws tantrums as calmly as you can put her in time-out until she can calm herself down. Give yourself your own time-outs to calm yourself down and when you are calm, give her hugs and loves and try again. Truth is I need this pep talk as much as you do. When all else fails just chant to yourself "its just a phase..its just a phase...its just a phase
Nope...no good advice, except, I think being consistent is good, and that while I read your post, I had to think of the first couple of pages from the book "Bonds that make us free" or whatever it's called. Sherrida has it, and I thought the guy had some really great thoughts on relationships. I think this may have some good insights for you, or maybe not. But, in essence he suggests how he at some point realized that he had allowed his (braty teenage) son to become his enemy. I can't explain it well. Get the book from Sherrida. It'll make more sense.
Sorry this is so hard. I wish I had anything good up my sleeve, but alas you're 2 kids ahead of me. :)
Honey, that's tough. Maybe meet with other kids a bit more often (and other moms, for you)? Let her know that you understand how she feels, but I definitely think you're doing the right thing being firm with her.
I definitely think she needs to be winning some of the time. Sometimes we do have to give in (with the easy stuff...like letting her wash her hands with a wipe.) She may just be feeling like she never gets her way...and it's really good that you are offering her choices like for snacks. You were really trying hard with that craft time!! Three different things in a matter of mintues. You can definitely come drop her off here to play anytime. You can come too if you want. ;) Really, I could tell something was up with her at preschool, she was acting a little strange at first. Not happy like usual. Maybe you and her need a change of pace. singing songs, you could let her do your hair, i don't know. Definitely give her hugs and tell her you love her.
Allie is getting into this "no" stage too, and it's no fun. And she can't stop in the middle of anything to do something else, just screams and cries and whines and tantrums galore. Finally we made another chart, kind of like a candlyland board with a kitty on it. When we catch her doing good things we move her kitty forward. PLaying good with Luke, and sharing, and staying in bed at night, whatever she seems to be having a hard time at. At the end (which will probably be today sometime) she gets a thing of little animals that we've been saving for her. She loves to have something to work toward...so goals are good too.
You can find incentives for her, praise her good work, don't dwell too much on the negative (which I have a hard time doing) So, anyways, I've gone on and on...hopefully you can figure something out and definitely pray about it and about her and some more answers will come your way.
PS, I'm pretty sure that's the longest comment I've made on anyone's blog.
Okay, I think it is good to let her be independent and make choices, but NOT when she throws a tantrum. I tend to think this is a phase and will pass (having not had a three-year-old, I don't know), but I am pretty certain that if you give in to tantrums, it will NOT pass.
We are going through this with my little sister and I PROMISE you that you should not give in all the time. It will only make you more miserable later.
My little sister is super demanding and since she always gets her way, she still throws fits and is disrespectful--she is almost 4 and a half. So now my mom is trying to be more firm.
Be firm but show that you love her. I don't know exactly what you should do, but I do know that you cannot give in to tantrums. Phew, sorry so long! Clearly I am opinionated on that subject :D
Having been exactly where you are on a number of ocassions (i have 2 daughters 4 and 3) the best advice i can give is a couple of days of 100% consciencous affection. Go OTT on how much you love her, hug her until she tells you to stop, shower attention on her, and let her know how important she is in your life. I usually find that there frustrating behaviour is a direct result of my behaviour and it doesn't take much to see them right. Still you have to stay firm with them but make every thing as loving as possible and in a couple of days all will be better. Good luck, Emma (Katey's Mum)
Thanks for everyone's ideas. I'm definitely trying to avoid the obscenities and violence route. (: It's interesting that this crazy unhappiness on her part has also coincided with her wanting to snuggle more too. I think more choices and more love are definitely in order. And more patience on my part... and hopefully phase will end soon.
I'm so glad you're going through all this first so I can ask YOU for advice in two years! I'm sure you will have perfected the art on Avery by then. Buena Suerte amiga.
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