With all the drama surrounding the Wear Pants to Church Day,
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a woman in the church. To be
honest, it’s something I’ve thought about a lot in the last few years.
I want to preface this with the fact that I absolutely have
a testimony that the LDS church is God’s
church. I believe that President Monson in our prophet today, and he leads
God’s church. I believe the Book of Mormon is scripture from God, and that it
can bring us closer to our Savior. I believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet
and he restored the church for the last time on the earth.
However, I do feel that there are gender inequalities in the
church. I know that God loves his daughters just as much as his sons, and I
don’t know why women don’t have the Priesthood. That’s not really the issue for
me. I do feel like there are cultural, not doctrinal, gender issues. And I
think it’s painful. Especially as the mother of three daughters, one on which
already is asking me questions about the visibility of women in the church.
There are already so many women who have written about where
gender inequality is found in the church, so I’m not going to delve into that
right now. If you are curious, check out these links:
The real reason I am writing this post is because I am
horrified by some of what was written on the Facebook Page. Horrified. And
embarrassed. Some of my fellow Mormons are declaring that women who have
questions about gender in the church are apostate, that they should leave the
church, or even that they are going to hell.
I was in serious turmoil. Am I really apostate? Am I really
unfaithful if I have questiona about women and their role in the church? So,
I’ve been praying a lot about this, and I’ve been searching for answers.
And as it turns out, there are a lot of women in the
scriptures and in our LDS history where women have had questions, and they haven’t
been struck by lightening for it either.
Lets look at the daughters of Zelophehad (see Numbers 36).
Moses was dividing up inheritances to the various tribes of Israel, and setting
up the system where land was passed down from father to son. However, Zelophehad had no sons, he had five
daughters. These women went to Moses, the
prophet, with their problems. They felt that they should inherit their
father’s land, even though they were not men. Did Moses call down the fires of
heaven to consume these unfaithful daughters? No, he did not. He took their
question to the Lord. And the Lord responded and told Moses that these women
could inherit their father’s land. Now, does it mean that Moses wasn’t the
prophet because he didn’t automatically receive revelation on this matter? Of
course not. Revelation is often received by asking questions. Women inheriting
their father’s land was not on Moses’ radar for whatever reason. As far as we
know, it wasn’t a question that he had thought to ask. I also find it interesting to note that these
women were looking for a gift, a blessing, and they only got it because they were willing to ask.
How about Ruth? She took some initiative in getting Boaz the
marry her, and wasn’t declared an apostate. Or Ester. She risked her life by
going to King to save her people. These women were not women who sat idly by
when they felt they needed something.
Let’s look to our own history of the Relief Society. Sarah
Granger Kimball and Margaret Book wanted to put together a Benevolent Society
to help make clothing for temple workers. They had Eliza R. Snow write a
constitution and by laws which they then took to Joseph Smith. Yes, that’s
right. It was not the other way around. Joseph Smith did not go to the women of
the church and tell them that he was going to create a society just for them.
The women went to him first! And they obviously were not declared apostates.
And once again, just because Joseph Smith didn’t present the idea first does
not mean he was not lead by inspiration. He took the question of a women’s
society to the Lord, and thus the Relief Society was formed. The blessing was
there- but they had to ask for it.
I am deeply saddened that all this pants craziness has
happened. The original intent of the Mormon feminists who created it was to
show solidarity with other people in the church who sometimes feel
marginalized- women who go against the cultural norms and wear pants to church,
or single mothers, or divorcees, or gays oranyone else who is made to fell less
than sometimes. Unfortunately this
happens in the church. I’ve seen it happen. I saw a woman get reamed at church
for wearing pants- a convert. And she never came back. That is not okay. That
is not how Christ would act.
Some commenters are upset because they feel that Mormon feminists
are trying to be men. But that is not true. Mormon feminists have a wide
spectrum of feelings and beliefs, and not one of us wants to be a man. To call
us man haters, or prideful, or looking to lift ourselves up is also simply not
true. To say that we are not following the prophet or that we are apostate is
not true either. Yes, we have questions we would like answered. But that’s ok.
We are allowed to have questions. Whether they will be answered any time in the
future, I don’t know.
However, there are ways that we can make women more equal
with men, and it doesn’t have to change our doctrine. I’ve shared this link on
Facebook before, but for those of you who haven’t see it, check this out:
So, is it really just about pants? Not really.
7 comments:
Kari, thank you for this thoughtful, courageous and inspiring post. I miss our play dates / feminist discusions.
I love your post. To be honest I don't have any of the issues or concerns that you have. I see what your saying - but to ME it is not a problem - I don't care, I love my place in the church - but there are things that I do have questions about. I while ago an LDS woman was on The Daily Show (I don't remember her name, but she wrote "book of mormon girl"). She said something I LOVED and had never thought about. She said that one thing she loved about her church growing up was that our whole religion is based upon the fact that a 14 year old boy had the RIGHT to ask hard questions and had the RIGHT to get an answer - and as members of the church we all have that same right. I loved that and want to teach it that way to my children.
I love your examples and your eloquence. Thank you.
(Although I don't know if this pants thing is an "out of utah thing" because I have not heard of it and neither has anyone i have talked too).
That was a good post Kari and it is nice to hear your thoughts. I have never really felt unequal at church personally and don't really care what people wear to church, I have gone in shorts and t-shirts because that was all I had.
However, I personally don't feel that sacrament is the appropriate place to "stand up" if you will. I think these women should take their problems straight to Pres. Monson I mean they live in Utah.
I have too been thinking about this a lot the past couple of days and I for one have absolutely ZERO desire to hold the priesthood, nor do I care to be in a major leadership role. Having been the wife of a Bishop I know first hand the weight and responsibility that those callings hold and quite honestly I DO NOT want it. My eyes were open during that time to why women are not in these positions: Men don't really gossip, they don't really hold grudges, they don't really judge really either. Women do! That is always a struggle for every single woman I have ever met and when I would hear Jared talking to families or hear information about certain people it really affected me and I had a hard time not looking at those people differently, Not bad just different and I always wished that I didn't know what was going on. I don't think it would be a good thing for our church to have females in that role.
Secondly, I think this is the Lord's church he does things for reasons that we don't understand, ie polygamy, blacks,etc.
Lastly, the thing that just keeps coming back to me is that I firmly believe that women are the crowning jewels of Heavenly Father. I don't think we are equal to men I actually believe we are above them. We as women are symbols of Christ. If you look at Christ's death and women and how we give life you will find many things that resemble them. We are symbols of Christ and Satan knows that. He knows that if he can get the woman to fall that he can get everyone to fall.
Personally I would rather spend my time teaching my children and serving others than having to carry the heavy responsibility of the church.
And with the tragic and horrific events that happened today I just think the most important thing we as women can do is to love and nurture our kids and all the kids we come in contact with.
Anyways that is my thoughts. Sorry if it doesn't all make sense. I am tired and sickened by what happened today!!
aI haven't read the whole post yet, because it's late, and baby Emilia is crying. But let me already say that I just miss you guys terribly. I miss having good friends close by, good friends with whom I can share my thoughts, my ideas, my doubts, my questions, my insights, and who share their awesomeness with me, always making me a better person...
Really, I wish we still lived across from each other. Hopefully, one day we'll be closer again, and then we can hash out more of the deep mysteries of the gospel, Church culture, politics both here in the US and abroad, and everything else that's so terribly interesting to talk about...
Good post. As a true apostate to your church we are not all that bad. Take that jokingly. My sarcasm never comes through in writing.
But really. I haven't set foot in a Mormon church willingly in over a year. I was actually going to go this Sunday to support the downtrodden. I once felt so unequal to all in the church. Unequal to men and to women because I felt I wasn't the same. I was even told by some that If my politics and unorthodox thoughts didn't change that I should just leave. I know the sting and pain you feel.
As the event unfolded on facebook and got uglier and uglier I realized something. For me it proved I was okay leaving the culture behind. I miss the church in so many ways. I don't believe a word of it so my leaving had nothing to do with my love of the people. This event is just another chapter in my book of reasons why I am proud to be considered an apostate.
I have decided that I won't be attending. I was actually going to go with an open mind and heart. I was going to try again. Now I am more committed to staying away from the hatred. I wish you luck in your feminist movement. I hope you are successful in changing hearts and minds. I just can't fight the battle with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure it's not just Utah Jamie because a lady in our ward posted an article on our ward fb page encouraging women to wear pants. It is really good to have questions. (and to bring up good ideas:) I also think that this is a perfect issue to talk to the Bishop at a ward or stake level. If each woman that felt that way, spoke to their Bishop or Stake President and had meaningful discussion and ideas that would make church a better situation for all people a lot could be accomplished. Ward Council is a great place to have that discussion as well, where the leaders in the ward can discuss what the needs of the ward are and how they can do better. (and WC includes the female leaders of the ward and those voices are definitely listened to...in my experience)I read someone's biography once, when he was stake president. It talked about woman that came and spoke to him about ideas to bring equality to women (like women being the last speaker in sacrament meeting and stuff like that). They made the changes in their stake. So I think it starts at a local level with clear communication and discussion.
Really appreciated your post, Kari! You're awesome.
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