So... residency has been a lot harder than I expected. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew Mike was going to be gone a lot. But I guess I didn't really know how it was going to effect us. I didn't realize that Bailey and Avery would feel the effects of his absence so deeply. Bailey has been sleep walking since the year started, and it's almost always when Mike is at the hospital. She has thrown massive tantrums in the middle of the night, but only when Mike is not there. Last month, Mike was home a lot (he was on a radiology rotation), and this month it has swung to the other extreme. Since the month began, Avery is a different child. She throws marathon tantrums, I'm talking an entire hour long, screaming how she wants her dad.
And then there's me. I have become so jealous of any time he has off. Today I got so mad because he was off doing good, service oriented things, but I thought it was so unfair. How come other people get to spend time with him when I don't? Why does he get to serve other people when I've been doing everything that's required to run a household, except for the going to work part?? And even then, I teach piano lessons four days a week. Why do we have to spend next Saturday cleaning the church, when we haven't even finished cleaning out our own flooded basement? It makes me so mad, and depressed, and overwhelmed.
Bailey, Avery and I are very busy doing lots of fun things, and lots of not so fun things, without Mike. It makes me feel like we are living two separate lives, and when and if our paths cross, we're lucky. But even then, there are extra study groups that are "voluntary" and the church service that "needs" us. How do I not resent this??
Mike keeps telling me that it's only one and a half more years of this terribleness. I have a hard time believing him. I see fifth years working more that I think they should be. Maybe I'm just in too deep to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it's just been a really long month. Maybe I'm just really tired.
Megan's Deliveries
12 hours ago
12 comments:
Maybe you should just call me some time.
Kari, We love you so much. Hang in there and know that Heavenly Father loves you exactly how you are even the little jealous and resentful bits. When you get overwhelmed call me for some buddy passes and come out here and let us help for a while.
Lots, lots and lots of Love to you,
Shelli
I feel your pain girl. I was in the same boat last year. I found it hard not to resent how the one Sunday a month Michael spent at home he would go off hometeaching. Why should I resent that? Its that exact kind of responsibility and diligence that I love so much about him- but still its hard not to see as time away from you. I'm sorry its affecting your kids so much. One thing that helps a bit is to get out as much as you can. Get together with friends- you need the support of others. Best of luck to you! It will get better- and remember, He is always there for you.
I definitely get possessive of Bryan's free time and I have much more time with him than you do with Mike. I think your feelings are completely natural. Whenever I complain to my mom and then feel bad about not being tougher she says "all you have to do is survive." Thinking about just surviving takes the pressure off for me -- I don't feel like I have to be a perfect housekeeper or mom.
I know your pain. I resent Ben a lot too. Yesterday he wanted to go fishing. I was like: you do what you want when you want, I won't stop you. I basically told him if he went i would hate him forever. I get tired of kids kids kids. I hope one day this gets better.
Isn't there some book by one of the general authorities wives about how she survived residency and that kind of thing?
That is really tough to be the one doing everything for the family. Not that I would know, because I'm not in your shoes, but I feel terrible about it. Hang in there. Cherish the small times you do have together...like cleaning the church toilets ;)
Oh, Kari I wish I could be there to help you out. When can I call you so we can talk? It has been forever, and we have a ton to talk about. We will keep you all in our prayers.
sounds like life is pretty hard right now. I felt a lot like that when chris went to school all day and worked all night. It is really hard not to build up all this anger towards them. I'll keep you in my thought and prayers because it is hard. Send me your email so I can send you a link to my blog. I don't know why I don't have it.
Poor Kari!!! I can't relate to residency, but Wes is getting his masters, and I know what it's like sometimes. Although not NEARLY as bad as you have it! I'm sorry things are so rough, but you are an amazing person! I hope things get better soon.
Oh man!! :( That would be rough!! Sorry its been so hard on you guys!!
It is always Feb and March when it all comes crashing down!! I know how it is but it will get better in a few years! It is sad how much it effects the girls though! I totally resent Jared being gone for others things at first too but then I just got used to it!!
Your are hero! If Mike and Dave every make any money, there wives will have totally earned it! Thank you for sticking by him. It's big to me. Love, Windy
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