This month has been a pretty miserable one, but we still got out and did a few fun things. Right now, it's maple syrup season in central New York. Last fall, we were reading a book, and Bailey was curious about maple syrup. We told her when it was maple syrup season we would take her too see. So, a few weekends ago, we visited Beaver Lake Nature Center and did their maple syrup tour. (We took Flat Stanley along with us. He was a project from one of our nieces.)
One of the things I love about Bailey is how she always wants to try new things. She had been wanting to go ice skating all winter, so on a free Saturday we finally took her. Avery, or course, was too scared to try. Bailey was too cute- she was trying to convince Avery that she needed to try and told her, "Avery! It's super fun! I've been waiting my whole life to try ice skating!"
Mike took Bailey out on the rink, and she picked it up really fast. Avery and I had a fun time eating nachos, watching Bailey and Mike skate, and watching "basketball show" in the lobby.
So... residency has been a lot harder than I expected. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew Mike was going to be gone a lot. But I guess I didn't really know how it was going to effect us. I didn't realize that Bailey and Avery would feel the effects of his absence so deeply. Bailey has been sleep walking since the year started, and it's almost always when Mike is at the hospital. She has thrown massive tantrums in the middle of the night, but only when Mike is not there. Last month, Mike was home a lot (he was on a radiology rotation), and this month it has swung to the other extreme. Since the month began, Avery is a different child. She throws marathon tantrums, I'm talking an entire hour long, screaming how she wants her dad.
And then there's me. I have become so jealous of any time he has off. Today I got so mad because he was off doing good, service oriented things, but I thought it was so unfair. How come other people get to spend time with him when I don't? Why does he get to serve other people when I've been doing everything that's required to run a household, except for the going to work part?? And even then, I teach piano lessons four days a week. Why do we have to spend next Saturday cleaning the church, when we haven't even finished cleaning out our own flooded basement? It makes me so mad, and depressed, and overwhelmed.
Bailey, Avery and I are very busy doing lots of fun things, and lots of not so fun things, without Mike. It makes me feel like we are living two separate lives, and when and if our paths cross, we're lucky. But even then, there are extra study groups that are "voluntary" and the church service that "needs" us. How do I not resent this??
Mike keeps telling me that it's only one and a half more years of this terribleness. I have a hard time believing him. I see fifth years working more that I think they should be. Maybe I'm just in too deep to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it's just been a really long month. Maybe I'm just really tired.
